A Note On Punctuality and Punctuation

 

I’m a very punctual person.  Despite the fact that I’m almost always on time, I always apologize for being late. 

 

Sometimes people seem surprised that I’ve apologized and remind me that I’m on time. “I know,” I say, “But it makes me feel more important if I apologize for being late.”  

 

People who think they're important are usually late because it a very superscurilious way of showing others that you’re time is more valuable than theirs.  This is why the waiting rooms of executive suites, banks, venture capital firms and Uber's headquarters are so lavishly appointed.  It’s their way of rubbing your lack of relative importance in your own face. 

 

This is also true for Uber passengers who feel important. If they keep we waiting, then they have established who's boss right up front.   But I fool them!

 

Even when I'm there first, I apologize for being late. They often look perplexed.  So, I get the best of everything.   I've confused people.  They like it that I’m on time and I get to feel important.  

 

Although I’m a punctual person, I do not agree with the whole notion of punctuation.  I don’t have any hard evidence on this but I strongly suspect that punctuation is actually a nefarious plot hatched deep within the bowels of the establishment.  Their whole idea was to create a mechanism by which rogues like me could be weeded out, and denied legitimacy in the real “cultured” domains of the land like the deep South, the Upper East Side of New York City and of course, Uber Headquarters.

 

In my mind the rules of punctuation are like the rules of etiquette - mere suggestions.  For example, I agree that friends of mine who use utensils generally have a leg up socially on my friends who still insist on using their fingers to eat.  As a writer I'll also grant that I'm marginally better off by using periods, commas and commonly accepted spellings. But is it worth the hassle of looking things up.  I don't think so.  

 

Besides, words and sentences only matter so fair as meaning is concerned.  If the lack of punctuation materially alters my intended meaning, than that’s an issue for concern, especially if I’m not aware that people are thinking something quite different what I intended. 

 

But the rest of the time it’s mostly window dressing.  If you’re an etiquette bug, or an editor who's cutting my paycheck,  I’ll veer over to your side of the manuscript, but I probably won’t stay long.   Okay, if a proof reading kamikaze is coming right at me from the other direction, I’ll pay lip service to periods and commas.  But I’m not going to fret over a few missed apostrophes or garbled syntax or misspelled words.  This is my gig …

 

Remember – I may be a human being and I expect you to give the benefit of the doubt.